I feel like this topic of strip clubs and where we stand on that as feminists, isn’t really discussed in our culture today and I think it’s a hard one. I am all for equal rights between women and men, yes we have come a long way but in this country I feel the biggest issue in the difference between men and women is the objectification of women. I do think it’s a serious issue and I think those that turn a blind eye to it are in denial or have this idea that it’s totally ok because thats just what men have always done before. I know there are strip clubs out there for women – men dancing around topless, something that some women do on their hens nights too. However when it comes down to it, do many ladies actually go to them? I haven’t, and none of my friends have. Usually for hens nights in my group of friends its a night out on the town, penis straws and raunchy games. That’s about as wild as it gets. I honestly don’t think women actually want a random guy rubbing their parts on them a week before they marry the love of their life. Or is this just me and the people I associate with? However when I ask my male friends, or any male I know “Have you been to a strip club?” the response is disbelief! How could you think that I haven’t! Of course! And usually it’s more than once, and they enjoy it. The are not ashamed of it. Why would they be when society has us all believe that there is nothing wrong with it. It doesn’t mean anything right? It’s just treating women as objects. Yet when you ask those same males, how they would feel if their date/partner/wife told them they are a stripper?! No big deal right… Not so. Hell yea these guys will go in the strip club and have a good time, judging these ladies, talking about the breast size of DD stripper and comparing it to the other C cup stripper over there. But heck, when they actually start to interact with one, get to know them a little bit better (you know, as a person) and find out they strip and (GASP) like it, its all like, so not okay! This woman has no respect for herself!
Most guys are not okay with a potential partner being a stripper. How dare another male look at my partner naked! Does this not sound in the least bit ironic?? Double standards much. I think females have this same reaction. “Oh yes, its totally fine he goes to a strip club, it’s his stag! It’s not like he’s going to cheat on me or anything”… And then the reaction when a female finds out so-in-so is a stripper. “OMG! How does her partner feels about that? That is disgusting!”
Why do we say this? What we are really saying is that it’s fine to objectify women, but it’s not ok for women to be sexual. We live in a world that sexualises women, but does not allow them to be sexual by choice. I think if you go to strip clubs, you have no right to judge a stripper. You are creating the market for stripping.
Perhaps men, think about this while you are at a strip club. Think about this woman as a person. Is she here by choice? Does she love doing this as a job? Does she have a boyfriend? Is she studying? What are her interests and hobbies. This might seem like a bizarre thing to do, to actually think about the stripper as an actual person. But when you start to do this, she isn’t just an object. I think guys would actually treat strippers with more respect, you would start to realise it’s not acceptable to grab at her and yell out rude and crude remarks. Because SHE IS A HUMAN BEING. This then helps to translate outside of a strip club. This behaviour isn’t ok inside a strip club or outside a strip club. Just because someone is naked (paid or not) doesn’t then give you the right to abuse or touch that person (without consent).
Where does this all come from? Why have our brains engrained these ideologies over time? I think boys from the age of 15 or possibly even younger (?) are watching porn. This is their first taste of sexual interaction or desire and it’s sending them such a wrong message! From early adulthood our boys are watching graphic and sometimes violet sexual content. I think it’s totally understandable how these boys start to think that that’s how you treat a girl/woman. It’s so sad and it really is starting to have an impact on not only their lives, but the women they interact with. Then us women get these messages through media and movies and books that that’s what men want. They want us to just be pretty and have this unrealistic figure. They want us to pretend to enjoy sex and fake organisms.
It’s time for change! It’s time to speak out about how we feel about our SO going to strip clubs. Don’t be afraid of what society thinks, really start to think about it and be honest with how you feel. If you are ok with it, really ok with it then you should be ok with your best friend being a stripper too. Stop with the double standards. Let’s start educating our children about sex. Real sex! Let your boys know that girls are smart, funny, kind and beautiful. Let them know what consent is, what respect is and how important this is in ALL situations to ALL girls. Let your young men know how women are to be treated in the bedroom, how to make a great partner. Make it a educational experience. Let your girls know that they have options, they can say no and don’t put up with disrespect. Let them know that is ok to be open with their sexuality, it’s ok to like sex just like its ok for men to like sex. It’s ok to say how you feel and when you don’t like something. Expect your partner to listen to your needs and wants and don’t put up with it when he or she doesn’t. Lets start to make the change in our culture.